youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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