The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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