I hope mine doesn't look like that
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
