i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
