just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
