apparently the secret to your success is patron
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
