I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
