Already got asked if we're dating
She's JV to your varsity
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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