He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
