laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
