I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize