Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
