census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish I only lived at night.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
