it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Text me some of your sweat
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
