I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If its not for food we ain't going out.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
