I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
