Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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