Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
