Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
