What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He kissed a someone with a penis
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
