I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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