guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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