handjob tips. give me some.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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