i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
