So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I need to sanitize my soul.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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