My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
