do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
