THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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