Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
There are leaves in my underwear?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
