I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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