There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
