so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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