your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
