girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
