Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
