When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
