No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize