Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
