so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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