i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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