I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
high people should be assigned attendants
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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