My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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