Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
