Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
