I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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