Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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