I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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