The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
