Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
