Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
