I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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