He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
