i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
