Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
