I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
