I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
