just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
