The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
