Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
