the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
