Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
