someone owes me an orgasm
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
