Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
