you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
