Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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