Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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