I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i've created a new STD.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
