found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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