Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
