I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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