So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the condom got lost in my hair
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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