FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Welp...herpes.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
