ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
