Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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