You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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